| i am my own ragged company |
[Monday
October 26th, 2009
1:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
] |
O lord I think I'm falling
To my disbelief
I'm cursing like a sailor and lying like a thief
It's hard to heed the calling from the better side of me
When I'm blaming everybody else and no one's coming clean
O lord can you see my thick skin wearing thin
And the demons of a lesser me are beckoning me in
Those who gathered'round me - I'm watching them all leave
Cause I am my own ragged company
You can take a trip to china or take a boat to Spain
take a blue canoe around the world and never come back again
But traveling don't change a thing, it only makes it worse
Unless the trip you take is in to change your cruel course
'Cause every town's got a mirror and every mirror still shows me
That I am my own ragged company
O lord it's lonely, lord it's mighty cold
And I don't want to live this way
Afraid of growing old
It's hard to heed the warning when you cannot see the crime
The only way to remember is to forget in a rhyme
And I'm scared to tread the red road that leads to galilee
Cause I am my own ragged company
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[Thursday
January 15th, 2009
9:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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across five aprils-a year from now |
] |
Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,
And I still have these memories,
But we'll never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, cause that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory,
We'll never make another memory.
I wish I'd have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real,
You said they were,
What happened?
You were a priority,
Was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm sorry that it wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember the things I've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said was in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess I've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
-across five aprils
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| home sweet home |
[Wednesday
November 5th, 2008
1:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ray lamontagne |
] |
I never realized how much i would miss maine until i left.
i hated being there when i was there, but now that im in florida i miss all the cool places i used to spend time at. like for instance,
the old port
monjoy hill/the view
Higgins beach
NYMS
cousins island
long island
pine land
westcustago park
tumbledown mountain
Bradbury mountain
sebago lake
Tripp lake
salmon falls
etc. etc.
i miss all these places soooo much!
not to mention i miss all my friends who are still in Maine.
its just such a weird feeling of being so far away from home.
i cant just come home whenever i feel like it.
but on the other hand i do love eckerd.
i have so much fun here and i love all of my new friends.
who knows where ill end up?
here for at least four years...
but im guessing that ill be back to maine in no time at all.
i just miss how beautiful it is.
or maybe ill just spend my summers there?
i do love the warmth of florida.
i guess only time will tell.
sorry for rambling, i just had to get it off my mind.
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[Wednesday
September 24th, 2008
2:39pm] |
NEW TATTOO ON MY BACK:
minus the eye in the middle =]
so excited!!!
The Koi is also able to fight the current of the water and swim upstream. This can be interpreted in two ways:
1) Being a non-conformist – Koi swimming upstream can be interpreted as showing the philosophy of non-conformism because of the fact that the Koi does not “go with the flow”. This can mean a person is very independent minded and does not do things the way they are expected of him or her. Swimming upstream can mean that a person is not easily influenced by others and does what he or she wants.
2) Strength in time of adversity – Koi fish also symbolizes persistence and the willingness to go on even though you are being swept away. It also symbolizes surpassing expectations. The Koi fish swimming upriver can show that a person has overcome various obstacles and not only does he or she keep standing, but he or she has come out victorious.
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[Saturday
August 30th, 2008
12:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the wreckers |
] |
You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown
And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
You can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on
Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone
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[Friday
August 22nd, 2008
5:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the brew-safety |
] |
i love eckerd!!!!!
and i love florida.
and im so excited because cam is on his way here now!
i cant wait to see him!
my roommate is the shit
i love her
couldnt have asked for a better roommate!
life is good =]
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[Saturday
August 9th, 2008
8:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nervous |
] |
| [ |
music |
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3oh!3-starstrukk |
] |
college. wow.
its new and exciting and a little scary.
im so far away from home, like i always wanted to be,
but now its starting to make me nervous.
i know i just need a few days and ill be fine
but its so nerve racking.
good luck to me i guess.
and everyone else who is experiencing this new thing =]
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[Friday
July 18th, 2008
12:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
alone on the top of the city
the lights were blurred
as i sat there and thought of you
there's never any way to make everyone happy
but for some reason I'm always trying.
and i always end up hurting the ones who mean the most instead.
I have 20 days to make everything all right.
every relationship that I've ever had
whether it be friends or more, I've fucked it up.
i give up! I'm not worth it!
I can't hold on to my friends.
and I can't stay true to anyone.
what the hell is wrong with me?
I think I'm broken.
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[Wednesday
June 25th, 2008
12:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
That night the rain came down
It didnt take long to fill this empty room
the room of doors without a roof
I sat inside, didnt bother to move
what is the use of trying to find a way out now?
my head is clogged, my mind has drowned.
I wonder where you are
I know you'd dive right in and save me now
But it's too late I cant be found
My heart of stones will hold me down
this flood was a choice i made
I called on the gods to pour it down
my mind has willed this rain.
and as my last breath left my mouth
I drifted to the floor, slowly down
my hands were crossed with thoughts profound
I watched the air rise on up
floating through the water towards the sky
all in between it will defy
and if the air can do that much
surely I can rise above this flood
get on with life and pursue this love.
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[Saturday
January 5th, 2008
2:26pm] |
broken hearted again...
when will i ever get it right?
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[Wednesday
January 2nd, 2008
11:41pm] |
So be it, I'm your crowbar
If thats what I am so far
Until you get out of this mess
And I will pretend
That I dont know of your sins
Until you are ready to confess
But all the time, all the time
I'll know, I'll know
And you can use my skin
To bury your secrets in
And I will settle you down
And at my own suggestion,
I will ask no questions
While I do my thing in the background
But all the time, all the time
i'll know, I'll know
Baby-I can't help you out, while she's still around
So for the time being, I'm being patient
And amidst this bitterness
If you'll consider this-even if it dont make sense
All the time-give it time
And when the crowd becomes your burden
And you've early closed your curtains,
I'll wait by the backstage door
While you try to find the lines to speak your mind
And pry it open, hoping for an encore
And if it gets too late, for me to wait
For you to find you love me, and tell me so
It's ok, dont need to say it
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[Wednesday
November 14th, 2007
10:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
maroon 5 |
] |
sometimes people can be such big disappointments.
but sometimes i think i just assume things that arent really true
i dont know what to do with myself anymore
who am i anyways? i'd really like to know.
on a lighter note..
i have the best friends in the world
i cant believe that i really found some girls that are so chill.
they are the best, and i wouldnt have it any other way.
i kinda miss scarborough, but greely is not so bad
im done with school in january anyways
i really like this guy and he knows it
and i really wonder where its going.
i know where i want it to go
but theres always some interference.
i guess we'll just have to see what happens.
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[Sunday
October 7th, 2007
10:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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brand new |
] |
harvestfest was soo sick!!!
i wish i was still there.
it was like a three day rager!!!
oh man.
and i got employee of the month today at dimillo's.
i got 50 bucks and a parking spot for the month.
its pretty sweet. i get my name on a little plack forever!
i loved this weekend. i cant wait until next harvestfest haha
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[Sunday
September 30th, 2007
10:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dido-see the sun |
] |
i keep finding myself thinking about you.
i have no idea where you are, or what you're doing, or how you're doing.
i'd really like to know, but i dont have the guts to call you.
ive asked a few people about you, but they havent seen you either.
i just hope i get to see you one more time before i leave for good.
i guess if worse comes to worst ill call you before i leave.
i just wish i knew if you ever think about me..
it doesnt really matter anymore, but i hope you're doing good.
and i hope that you're happy.
i hope we cross paths someday soon.
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[Friday
September 28th, 2007
6:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hawthorne heights |
] |
so greely is pretty cool i guess.
im having fun.
i'm graduating in january so that should be pretty sweet.
and now i have work study so i can leave during my study halls
and if i wanted to i could drop a couple classes.
but i wont.
i guess im too excited for school to be over for my own good.
im not doing very well in school and that needs to change.
im way behind and i need to catch up, i'll feel much better and less stressed.
oh and i also need to get some sleep.
im still living in the summertime i guess.
ps. i love my new friends <3
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[Saturday
September 22nd, 2007
11:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hung over |
] |
I am not allowed on USM property until September 22nd, 2008.
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[Sunday
September 16th, 2007
5:10pm] |
i have been having so much fun lately.
dont let it stop please!
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[Saturday
September 8th, 2007
10:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
marshall tucker band - cant you see |
] |
i miss you.
you don't know how much you mean to me.
well you kind of do, but i wish i could be with you everyday.
someday i will be.
i cant wait.
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[Monday
September 3rd, 2007
12:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sore |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
incubus here in my room |
] |
why does life have to be so difficult sometimes?
i wish i had a nice car so i could drive to New York and back every weekend.
thats how much effort i would put into you if i could.
i could pay for a plane ticket every weekend but that seems a little ridiculous.
i just don't want to let you go.
i don't want you to forget about me.
i just want you to wait for me for one more year.
do you think you can do it?
i know i can.
see you in February, or hopefully sooner.
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stay__arienette's journal
lonely